Daily Moon Phases

Friday, September 20, 2013

Sorrow Creeps Up On You.

Fuck, fuck & fuck...and fuck. I should have realized it. But anyway. It's all good. I'm learning.

When Alex my landlord and friend was about to pass away, I really didn't have a way to go away and avoid him. Like I usually do just before someone I'm close to passes away, because it's too crushing, and I have to distance myself. But this time, first time in my life, I actually made the effort to be there, be around. Even so, in his last few months he was pretty much bed ridden and the boys were taking care of him. Even Eric said to me, "Dad wouldn't want you to see him this way." So I was spared a few months of distance before the final end. And it was crushing. But I thought, I'm improving. I could do this. That was back in October 9, 2009.

Ha, hahahah... little did I know that my two sisters were going to be next, and then shortly after, my God-father. Just the thought of all of it, how it happened...it's just still, too much! I'm going for a beer. I just don't want to think about it right now.


  1. You'll never walk alone, unless you choose to.

  2. Haha haha. I don't think so. You can't choose to be alone. There is no choice. You are NEVER alone! You can imagine you're alone, you can pretend your hardest, you can make-believe, but you will never be alone. How's that for a choice, hahaha. No. I choose to not be alone. I'm not foolish. I know I've not made any choice. I'm never alone anyway. Nor are you. Nor is anyone else.

  3. Ah! I found an excerpt that tells it all. This is from Ramtha's book "Defining The Master," page 63:

    "Are you willing to pull out all of your dirty secrets and look at them? You are going to have to. Either you do it now or you do it when this life is over, which is going to be appalling, and you are going to be appalled at how many of us watched it all."

    Thank you. Now, tell me... are you ever alone?